one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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