I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The best revenge is premature balding
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She even gives head with a lisp.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
