K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
