I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I have post one night stand depression
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
