I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
