You just made me feel so damn special
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
