Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
