honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
