Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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