dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
