were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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