I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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