there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
