You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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