i think my tv is drunk
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
