Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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