Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
