The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
