her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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