I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
