I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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