he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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