I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
