Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
