I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
