I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
