she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
