If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
