Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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