Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
