i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
