I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
be right there i have to get my cape
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
