you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
