the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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