We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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