Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
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