I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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