I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
