This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
