Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
