Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just found puke in my bra..
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
