I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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