You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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