Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
