Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
