If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
