Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
