Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
