Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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