So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize