His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
