So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
